New Years fitness resolutions? I can help!

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New years eve has come and gone and if you’re like most people then you made some crazy resolutions promising that this would be your year to get back the body you had in highschool even though this is likely impossible.  These resolutions undoubtedly seemed attainable with the excitement of a countdown shrouded in an alcohol induced fog brought on by enough rum to fill a pirate ship.  The first day of your diet probably still looked promising as your queezy stomach was not accepting food anyway, so reality hadn’t fully set in.  However much like Charlie Sheens career, all good things must end and here you are trying frantically to hold on to the dream of a slimmer, fitter, you.
Worry no more – I have your solution.  I am making available this all natural product that is guaranteed to help you with your goal, providing you follow the directions.  It is a simple yet effective tool; some people even say it has magical powers.   This product is 100% natural, sourced straight from a little known place called “the outdoors”, with absolutely no additives or extra chemicals:  Introducing the amazing Stick-Plus!
The way the Stick works is simple.  With your non refundable cash order I will ship you a custom shaped Stick-Plus that is carefully matched to your body type and age.  Trust me, there is a lot of thought, effort and maybe even something close to science put into this selection and though it may look like a random stick, I assure you it is much more.  I can include some impressive looking elemental charts and formulas I found on the internet if you are still not convinced.  It’s that natural!  Along with your Stick-Plus you will receive a printout from Google with a list of local gyms for your area.  Simply call one of these gyms and talk to a representative that will set you up with a work out schedule and nutrition plan.  Congratulations, you are halfway to your goal!  The rest is easy.  To ensure you follow your trainers plan and schedule you must always keep your Stick-Plus nearby.  Let’s say you find yourself in bed and just don’t feel like going to the gym in the morning;  simply grab Stick-Plus from your bedside table and whack yourself in the head with it until you get up.  For extra motivation you can turn this whacking duty over to your spouse or partner – trust me, they will love to help you and become a part of achieving your dreams!
The Stick-Plus has several other tricks to help you attain your goal.  Should you find yourself at a table with a piece of cake or bowl of ice cream in front of you, you can easily take your Stick-Plus and sweep the offending food onto the floor – you will no longer feel the food craving as you gingerly dance around the broken glass to sweep up your mess.  This can also be good extra exercise so it’s a win-win!
At meal times you can again employ your family members help and support by giving them the Stick-Plus and they will happily rap you across the knuckles with it should you reach for an extra helping of potatoes or perhaps a cookie.  This partnership will help build a stronger relationship as you work towards a stronger you – talk about a versatile tool!
As a final deterrent (should you need something more powerful) there is one last upgrade available for the Stick-Plus.  Simply take it to the neighborhood dog park and use the stick to pick up any “presents” that have been left behind by man’s best friend.  Once your Stick-Plus has been used in this manner it is ready to return to the dinner table.  It does not matter how many times you wash it, after this natural treatment it will help you with appetite suppression, I promise.  Again, you can get your friend or family to help by having them touch your Stick-Plus to ONE piece of food at the table, but not tell you which piece.  I guarantee you will cut down on your eating, if not quit completely!
It is that easy!  Call now as supplies may be limited and I suspect I will have trouble keeping up with all of the fools – errr… clients.  I also occasionally have trouble retrieving a Stick-Plus from my dog so shipping times may vary.  It’s so natural that even the animals love it!  Remember your order will come with the amazing Stick-Plus and your local gym phone numbers ONLY:  prices of gym membership, nutritionist, work out clothes, healthy foods and/or divorce proceedings are NOT included.  Order today and begin your journey to a new you!
*please note: I have three dogs myself so for an additional fee I can pre-treat the tip of your Stick-Plus with the all natural appetite suppressant prior to shipping!

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