Well I tried some new shampoo. The label sucked me in. “from a land Down Under” it said. With kiwis and koalas pictured on it, who could resist? They gotta know hair, right? Plus at $1.79 for 2000 milliliters how could I go wrong? Well – I did go wrong. Horribly horribly wrong. Apparently the smiling koala in the picture was happy because he had just had a bowel movement into a green pump bottle to ship to Canada. The label says 95% biodegradable. It fails to mention that the other 5% is apparently used engine oil and toxic waste. In 5000 years archaeologists will find the contaminated soil and think there was a nuclear reactor on our property, I’m sure. Check the ingredients. #1 Aqua. Awesome. Wait, that’s just water. Hmmm. Then a list of unpronounceable chemicals. Great. That must be part of the “all natural”. Ah here is a word I recognize: “glycol” about fourth on the list. For those of you who are unaware, glycol is the primary base of the coolant inside the engine of your car. This is all starting to make sense now. I honestly think my hair would have come cleaner if I had actually gone to the garage and used antifreeze and engine oil but we shall carry on. Another list of chemicals and oh! There it is, right near the end! Kiwi seed extract! So just as this swill was about to be sealed up someone obviously threw a handful of rotten kiwi seeds into the pot to get the marketing rights sewn up. I can only hope that there was no animal testing done as I can’t imagine a room full of screaming koalas running around with the hair burnt off of their tender pink skin while some mad scientist yells “do it AGAIN – it says ‘repeat as necessary'”. (I envision that in a german accent, don’t ask me why). Fortunately I do not have a lot of investment capital tied up in this little experiment so I will not need to ask for disaster assistance funding. I think perhaps I will try it as an engine degreaser on the truck or to perhaps to remove belt dust from the clutches on a snowmobile. On second thought I better not, it might eat aluminum. Bah.
The Involved Husband 